On all hallows eve, we talk to Toyo Tires’ technical manager to find out exactly what you should be rolling on if the dead rise again.
Facing facts, the rise of the zombies is inevitable. Be it a supernatural event, a disease, a manmade invention gone wrong or just some really bad karma, nine out of 10 academics surveyed agree the end is coming, and it will prominently feature the living dead*.
Regardless of the catalyst for the hordes of zombies, or their cognitive ability and running speed, two aspects of behaviour are fairly standard fare. One - they move in groups. Two - they bite.
Being faster than your pursuer is a great way to stay alive in a world gone dark. With this in mind, transport is necessary and being as high off the ground as possible is preferable. Armour patched together from street signs and barbed wire are popular choices, front mounted sweeping plows have also entered vogue of late (they look great with a spindle grill).
BJ Baldwin's pre-runner Loki is a great candidate for post-apocalyptic transportation.
Swapping your glass for Lexan windows will help your windshield take more of those big hits without cracking and will save you a few pounds. That’s good, because you are going to need to load that bad boy up with first aid gear, bibles, survival rations, water and board games.
Ensure your service books are up to date too, you want to know when you turn the key with Joe Zombie scratching at the door, the ol’ girl is going to kick over.
Take some cable ties. Good ones. Maybe some duct tape. The mounting of machine guns and incendiary devices is optional, but while you are customising, why not add some personal flair to your salvation mobile – really make it your own.
This F-350 Super Tourer on OPMT's, recently featured in 4WD Action looks like it could haul you through some trouble.
With any luck, only one part of the car will be in direct contact with the earth, and the hordes: your tyres.
Something I think we can all agree on is when the four horsemen saddle up and ride, you don’t want to be caught out with the wrong rubber. That would be embarrassing, and even life-threatening.
Toyo Tires Technical Manager Steve Burke knows high stress occasions like the end of the world affect everyone individually.
“We don’t necessarily advocate doomsday prepping, but tyres are very different and everyone experiences the apocalypse differently - knowing what will work when, might be the difference between infection and survival.”
Straddling the line between car and battlefield tool, the Paramount Group Marauder can carry up to 30 armed soldiers and is rated to withstand the blast of 14kg of TNT.
Perfectly equipped for a retreat into wilderness or wastelands from the abandoned shopping mall or compromised hospital, Toyo’s go-anywhere Open Country Mud Terrain tyres are thick, tough and ready to rock.
Despite a complete lack of scientific testing, Steve tells us the M/T’s are also unable to be pierced by even the most motivated human jaw.
“Going bush with the M/T underneath me would be my pick. They are heavier, tougher and meaner with second to none puncture resistance, whether you are talking jagged rocks or zombie teeth.”
Rated by Top Gear as the worlds most unstoppable vehicle, the Marauder also packs a 4,500kg payload, with night vision. Paramount Group say it is ideal for 'conventional and non-conventional operations'. Perfect.
Though, for the survivor who likes to get around, the Open Country A/T II easily combines a need for quick off-road escapes with long distance drives between the dim lights of the remaining centres of human life.
“It would really depend on where I needed to go and what I needed to do; there is a chance that you will need to do a lot of driving on sealed roads, and the low noise, increased tread life but aggressive tread pattern of the OPA/T II make it an ideal all-rounder,” says Steve.
“Quiet and long-lasting on the road and hard working off it, society’s obliteration is no reason to be uncomfortable or inconvenienced.”
Tyrant Motorworks 450hp JK6 on 38 inch Toyo's OPMT is the ultimate in high-load off-road. The machine gun is an optional extra.
But are they tough enough?
“Zombies couldn’t do anything to them that Stadium Super Trucks haven’t already. These tyres are capable of conquering the outback. If you can find a zombie tougher than the gibber rocks on the Birdsville track we can talk about it, but in my professional opinion they are undead-proof.”
While running the biggest, baddest and most powerful rig in town is an attractive option when faced with wandering throngs of facebiters, fuel is likely to be at a premium. You may want to encourage your primary means of conveyance to sip, rather than gulp.
“The fuel-efficient NanoEnergy 3 uses five per cent less petrol than its predecessor, but unlike other low rolling resistance tyres, it outperforms standard tyres on braking, traction and performance, in all weather,” says Steve.
This MP4-12C render from Yasid Design would look perfect parked out the front of your fortified compound.
Less time exposed at eerily abandoned petrol stations means safety, as do shorter wet braking distances.
All said, following the end of days, there is a reasonable expectation your life expectancy will plummet. In a world where you decide the speed limit, you might as well go full race.
Latvian lunatics Dartz latest design is the Prombron Black Shark, of which five will be built. 1500hp with a body based on a Mercedes GL, but made from Kevlar and titanium, a bullet proof rotating front grille, retina scanner and disappearing doorhandles. It also comes with a golden shisha, sterling silver champagne flutes and an Xbox One.
For this, Steve prescribes an R35 GTR replete with Toyo Proxes R1R. Wind the boost up too; you’re here for a good time, not a long time.
“You will have to strike a tricky balance between weight saving and minimum armouring, but the all paw GTR with the gorilla grip of the Proxes will make sure no former human can hang on to the spoiler once you hit the twisties.”
The 140 year old Nissan GTR from Elysium looks pretty well suited to post Armageddon blasts through your local mountain road. Lucky there won't be anyone issuing defect notices.
The ultimate in winter warriors, the tough on the outside plush on the inside SR Autogroup Conquest Evade rides on Toyo OP M/T's.
So there you have it, professional recommendations to help you through even the toughest of times. Maybe get them fitted before it hits the fan though: it might get tough to track down an open tyre dealer afterwards.
As they say in the USA, Happy Halloween.
*Results not based on survey data of any kind.
